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Stoney
Versus the Story About Stoney:
“OK,
coach.
I know you’re right.”
I take a deep breath and say,
“Now what?”
“You’re
here and you’re excited, so let’s start our
day together.”
“Excited?
What makes you think I’m excited?
“Come
on, Stoney!
Do you think I’m a complete idiot?
To start with, you have, contrary to my
suggestion, been fantasizing about this day for
the past two weeks.
Second, you arrived 30 minutes early;
third, your chin almost hit the floor when you
saw Jim; fourth, your face is still flushed; and
fifth, your eyes are dilated.
Do I need to go on?”
I
react to Jazbell with still another wave of
mixed emotions.
Part of me is, once again, in awe at her
insight and her candor, and part of me feels
like a teenager who has just been caught
masturbating.
“Thank you, Jazbell, that will not be
necessary.”
She
turns to the 12-year old who is standing in
front of her and says, “Stoney, sometimes your
innocence is so sweet.
That’s one of your qualities that I
like very much.
I’m not criticizing you or making you
wrong. I’m simply bringing to your here-and-now awareness,
what you already know.”
“I’d
like to think that I’m not that
transparent.”
“You’re
not here on assignment for a story.
You’re here for Stoney to have a
joy-filled day, so please relax and just be
Stoney.”
“What
you just described is
Stoney.”
“Yes
and no.
Let me make a distinction for you.
There is Stoney and then there is the
story you keep telling yourself about Stoney.
Your self-story, like everyone else’s, is full of self-judgments, fixed expectation and limitations
about who and what you can be and do.
You have a whole set of beliefs about all kinds
of things and many of those beliefs get your way
because they are beliefs about reality and have
nothing to do with reality.  20-1
You needn't judge yourself about such being as
you are because your quite normal.
It’s just part of being human on the
planet at this time.
So for today, whenever you feel sad,
disappointed, embarrassed, or anything else you
could label a “feel
bad,” just think of that as part of your
story about Stoney.
Whenever you catch yourself in your “Story
about Stoney,” just be aware of it.
Feel whatever feeling you’re feeling.
Look at it from the perspective that nothing is
right. Nothing
is wrong.
Everything just is.
Stoney is neither right nor wrong.
He's
neither good nor bad. Stoney
just is.
We each do life from our own set of
self-stories.
So, at least for today, hold the idea
that whatever you do is correct, that whatever
you do is perfectly OK.”
“Thank
you.
That helps, but I still have one
question.”
“And
that is...”
“How
do you know I’ve been fantasizing about this
day?”
“Because
you are a healthy, normal man.
I would be very surprised if you
hadn’t.
The issue is not about whether or not you
fantasize.
It’s about the stories you keep telling
yourself.
Let me clarify the distinction between
you and your story."
She
holds out her hands palms up, as though she’s
holding something in each hand.
She gestures her right hand to me and
says, “You fantasized.”
She gestures her left hand to me and
says, “You didn’t fantasize."
Moving
her hands appropriately, she repeats, “You
fantasized.
You didn’t fantasize.
You fantasized.
You didn’t fantasize.
There is no right.
There is no wrong.
There is only choice.
You fantasize. You don’t fantasize.
That’s Stoney."
What you tell yourself about your fantasizing is
your story about Stoney — like ‘I’m
bad!’
‘I shouldn’t have done it!’
These stories about Stoney are all made
up out of your head based on your past.
They’re all bullshit.
If
you could be other than who you are, you
probably would be.
So I invite you to just watch and listen
to the stories as they come up. Don’t do anything with them other than feel the
feelings, which, by the way, will soon pass of
their own accord. So, you see, at any time, you are free to let go of
your story and move on.”
“Thank
you.”
“Are
you complete with this for now?
“Yes,”
I say.
“Good,
then let’s move on.
One of our mutual intentions for today is
for both of us to become and stay in a
heightened state of sensual/sexual joy.”
She
stands up and motions me to do likewise.
Not having the slightest idea of what to
expect next, I stand facing her with my heart
again beating fast.
She takes my left hand in hers and says,
“Close your eyes.
Now loosen your arm muscles and let your
arm and your hand just be.”
She
moves my hand until I relax, then I feel my hand
being placed on her stomach approximate over her
belly button.
At the touch of her body, I twitch and
open my eyes.
“Relax.
Close your eyes,” she says softly.
I
close my as she moves my hand under her blouse
and directly against the warm smooth skin of her
abdomen.
“Breathe,” she whispers.
Oh
yes, breathe!
Momentarily, I had forgotten about that.
I take in a deep breath, and as I
breathe, she moves my hand slowly upward,
around, over, and onto her right breast and then
gently slides it back to her abdomen.
My
loins immediately respond.
My heart beats even faster.
She takes my hand out from under her
blouse and says, “Open your eyes, please.”
I
open my eyes and see her smiling beautiful face
and sparkling eyes about twelve inches from
mine.
Before I can speak, she says, “First
bite of still another elephant?”
I
just stand there looking at her.
End
of Chapter Twenty -- A Preview of Coming Attractions
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