The Yoni Dance - Book 1 - Chapter 11 --- Two Basic Tantric Sex Practices

What Is Tantric Sex?

“You’ve already asked me that, and I’ve already made up my mind so answering your question is easy. The answer is still yes; I’ll do whatever is required. And I’m certainly at ease with regard to talking about or sharing my sexuality so please tell me more about what Tantric sex is.”

“It’s a way to make use of the energy that’s normally dissipated and lost in sexual release.”

“And use it for what?”

“To activate major energy centers in the heart, the throat, the brow and at the top of your head.” ^11-1

“Why do that?”

“To experience that super-normal state of being that we call spiritual awareness. It is an extremely pleasant state of being. In scientific terms, Tantric sex produces a lot of endorphins in pleasure centers of the brain.”

I ask, “Is this done strictly for pleasure?”

“Although orgasm becomes a full-body experience that can last for several minutes, there is much more to it than that. Sexual pleasure is only one piece of a very large pie. Tantra is a pathway to self awareness, to spiritual awareness, to what I refer to as Divinely-Guided Self Empowerment.”

I say to her, “When you talk like that, I don’t know what you mean.”

“Let me give you an analogy. Compare the awareness and control over your life that you had as a five-year old to the control and awareness you have now as an adult.”

“There’s obviously a significant difference.”

“Opening the higher chakras can be likened to growing up in that doing so will make another quantum leap in your awareness and in your personal power.”

I ask her, “If it’s that potent and not everyone is doing it, there must be some significant downsides. What are they?”

There aren't really any downsides, but there are some requirements that are more like barriers than downsides. The first requirement is awareness -- awareness that human life may hold some possibilities that you're not yet aware of. To achieve the levels of mastery I'm talking about, you must first step outside your belief box."

I ask, "What's s belief box?"

"Think of a belief box as a barrier between the known and the unknown, between the possible and the impossible. Think of it as a an invisible prison you put yourself in because of a belief. For example, as long as you continue to believe it's impossible for you to release the emotion trauma you hold about strawberry ice cream, then you can't.

What else is required?

Commitment, change, practice, and patience.”

“Is that it?”

“No. Actually, I’ve already mentioned the biggest barrier of all and that is once you start, you can always stop, but you can never go back to where you were before you started. Once you consciously connect to the divine part of yourself, you can no longer disavow who and what you are.

Once you experience transcendent sex, the knowledge of it will always be with you. You can’t un-know that, either. You can stop practicing spiritual sexuality, but traditional sex will seem pale by comparison. Another thing that could be considered a downside is that sexual pleasure is quite addictive.”

“I’ll take my chances with that one. So tell me about commitment, change, practice, and patience.”

“To be successful, you will need to be willing to see life from a broader perspective. You will need to be committed to seeing, hearing and living the truth about who and what you are. As I said earlier, you will have to give up victim consciousness and accept complete responsibility for whatever is going on in your life. You will no longer be able to blame others for what is wrong in your life.

Once you begin to open the higher centers, you will start seeing the world differently. Most of the world will be pretty much as it always has been; however, your perception and your understanding of what you perceive will vastly change. This will significantly alter you life.

Because the changes usually occur slowly, mastery requires both practice and patience. You will also be asked to do things that don’t make any sense to the logical mind.”

“Now I understand why you said this is not for everyone. I still have a couple more questions."

“And they are. . .?”

I ask, “How does one turn sex into a spiritual experience?”

“That’s what I’m about to start teaching you.”

“Do I need a partner in order to do that?”

“Not necessarily; however, having a partner does offer significant advantages.”

“Like what?”

“Well, for example, if you have me around, you’ll have a teacher and a guide to point the way, to answer your questions, and to give you feedback regarding the effectiveness of what you’re doing or not doing.”

“You’ll also be associating with someone of like mind. In therapeutic language, this is called ‘community’ and is probably the most important factor in determining your success or failure.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because we tend to mirror the energy of the people we associate with. When two or more people of like mind are together and focused on a project, they support each other, and the net results are far greater than the total of their efforts if they were functioning alone. And, at the opposite end of that pole, when you associate with people who still adhere to your old ways, their energy counters your efforts and there is a very strong tendency to become overwhelmed by your former habits.

You’ll also have a mirror to reflect your actions back to you. In addition, you’ll have a role model, in this case, someone who has already mastered and, thus, can demonstrate what you are still learning. Besides, you’ll have the joy of sharing your sexuality with a partner! You’ve probably heard the old line, ‘A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush’.”

“I have.”

“Well, in sex, just the opposite is true.”

Kegal Exercise

I laugh and say, “This sounds great. How do we get started?"

“With one physical practice and one mental/physical exercise that can, when mastered, significantly enhance your level of joy during your sexual experiences. Have you ever heard of the term Kegal exercise?”

“Yes, I know it has something to do with squeezing your sphincter and bladder-control muscles, but that’s as much as I know about it.”

“Developing conscious control over these muscles is helpful for enhancing your sexual pleasure. The idea is to learn to tighten them and hold them tight when you want them tight and also to cause them to completely relax and remain completely relaxed when you want them relaxed.”

“If you are willing to actually practice it daily, I’ll teach an exercise to you now. If you’re not willing to practice it, don’t ask me to waste my time by teaching it to you. Just knowing is not enough. Knowing it in your head is like winning the booby prize.”

“How much time will I need to practice?”

“Two minutes, three times per day for the physical exercising and perhaps twenty to thirty minutes per day for the mental/physical practice. It will take you two to three months to develop the muscles for the squeeze and probably two to four times that long to master the relaxation.”

“Why so long for the relaxation?”

“Because for thousands of years, men have been programmed to think that orgasm and ejaculation are one and the same. Your job is to learn to separate them.”

“You mean that ejaculation is not a part of orgasm?”

“Definitely not. And you can prove that to and for yourself, if you’re totally committed to doing so, but only if you’re committed to doing so.

“So how do you separate them?”

“That’s what I’ll start sharing with you today, if you like. The separation will require major re-programming of your beliefs, your expectations, and your sexual thinking processes. It is a rather significant undertaking.”

“Why would I want to bother?”

“Stoney, what are the most orgasms that you have ever had in one day?”

“One time in college, I came seven times in one day.”

“And how much fun was the seventh orgasm?”

“It was almost more work than fun.”

“What is the longest amount of time you have spent in a single orgasm?”

“Orgasms all last about the same amount of time — less than ten seconds.”

“If what you say is true, then how come I can enter the orgasmic state any time I want, and remain in orgasmic ecstasy for as long as I want to? How come I can easily experience Fifteen to Thirty orgasms in a day, if I so choose? Are you sure what you said is true and not just your personal belief? You've also just given yourself another example of a belief box. Are you sure you want to remain inside that prison?”

I stammer and start to speak, but Jazbell cuts me off. “I can do this regularly, day after day. I no longer stimulate myself to intentionally achieve orgasm. When I am with a partner with whom I can be completely intimate, our level of sharing becomes so intense that the orgasmic experiences come along almost on their own, like frosting comes on birthday cakes.”

My mouth continues to hang open in disbelief. I finally manage to say “Yes, but you are a woman. Men can’t do that.”

“Stoney, that's a totally false belief! I know several men who can easily achieve multiple orgasms, and/or extended orgasms and still keep their semen inside their own bodies. I assure you the rewards are well worth the effort. I just want to be up front with you that you are not going be a master of this art, or any other art for that matter, in two or three days. Let me take you out on the tennis court.”

“What?”

“Metaphorically speaking.”

“Oh.”

“Here’s your new tennis racket. Here are three tennis balls. There’s the net. Now hit the balls over the net.”

I just look at her.

“Come on, let your imagination loose. Play with me. Here are three tennis balls. Here’s your tennis . . . “

I cut her off. “Okay, I’ve just hit all three balls over the net.”

“Are you now a tennis player?”

“I guess you could say that.”

“Are you ready to compete at Wimbledon?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I’ll need to practice.”

“Exactly. Like any skill, intimacy and sexual sharing also require learning the techniques involved and then practicing them until you reach the level of mastery with which you’re satisfied. What are you going to do when you hit the ball and it hits the net or it flies over the fence and completely out of the tennis court?”

I ask, “What do you mean?”

“Are you going to start calling yourself names and telling yourself how stupid you are?”

“No.”

“Are you going to stop and ask, ‘What’s wrong with me’?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because that would be counter-productive.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“Pick up another ball and keep on playing.”

“Exactly. Are you ready?"

"Yes," I respond.

Kegal -- Without its Opposite

“Your first job, then, is to become aware of the muscles that eject semen during ejaculation. Pretend for a moment that you are urinating and you want to stop the flow. What muscles do you use? Your first job is to go into the bathroom right now and find out."

“Right now?”

“Cut the bullshit, Stoney. You heard me say right now.”

“Sorry. It’s just that I’m not used to being this open in talking with a woman.”

“First, you’ll get used to it if you’re around me for very long, and second, I apologize if I was too blunt with you.”

“Apology accepted.”

“Good. Now let’s get clear on our communication. Do I have your permission to be your coach and to talk straight to you with no holds barred?”

“That you do.”

“Good.”

I ask, “Is this why you had me drink all that water earlier?”

“Yes it is.” Now off to the bathroom. When you get in there, with one hand, hold your lingam at the point where the head and shaft meet, and place two fingers of the other hand firmly, yet gently against the base of your pubic bone between your testicles and your anus, and then start urinating. Stop and start the urine flow several times and feel what muscles are being contracted.”

“When you are about finished, avoid intentionally squeezing your bladder control muscles to evict the last remaining urine. Let those muscles stay relaxed. Instead, with the hand that is holding your lingam, squeeze slightly just behind the head and slide your hand about a half-inch toward your testicles, similar to what you might do if you were sexually stimulating yourself, and see what happens. When you’re finished, come back here and we’ll talk about it.”

Without further comment, I get up and do as I am instructed.

Jazbell is waiting for me on my return. “Okay, what did you learn?”

“I got to feel what muscles stopped the urine flow. I expected that, but what really surprised me was the reaction to my squeezing my lingam at the end of the process.”

“What happened?”

“When I squeezed my lingam with my fingers as you instructed me to, I got the same response I would normally get by intentionally tightening my bladder control muscles. The urine came out, but I was totally unaware of squeezing any muscles.

“When you squeezed your lingam, did you feel with the fingers of your other hand how the muscles tightened and then loosened in a very rapid pulse like action?”

“Yes. That pushed the urine out.”

“Good! You have now experienced what are called the PC muscles under your conscious control, and you have also witnessed them contracting automatically in response to physical stimuli. Lesson one complete. Good job, Stoney.”

“Thanks. What’s next?

“Your next job is to separate the PC muscles from the other muscles nearby so that you can strengthen the PC’s and, at the same time, learn how to keep the other muscles relaxed.”

“Why do that?”

“The Kegal exercise is very important because there will be times when you will go so deeply into the orgasmic response that the only way to avoid ejaculation will be to squeeze these muscles and hold them tight until the impulse to ejaculate has dissipated.”

“I’ve heard that sphincter and bladder control are both done by one muscle and the two functions can’t be separated.”

“Stoney, as an investigative reporter, do you believe everything you hear, even if it is from a so-called expert?”

“No.”

“Then suspend your belief about that statement until you have additional evidence.”

“What kind of evidence?”

“Evidence from your own personal experience. I’m also suggesting you hold your belief until you’ve talked with others who have done the practices I’m suggesting and until you’ve had some personal experience.”

“OK, that sounds like a reasonable request.”

“Now, I’ll give you an analogy. Hold up your hand and let me see you move each finger independently.”

I do as instructed.

“Notice that the thumb and index finger function very well independently. The middle finger is also quite independent, but with a little less individual control than the thumb and index finger.

“Now notice your ring and little fingers. How well do they function together?"

“They function very well together.”

“Now move them independently. How well do they function separately?”

“Not very well at all. I move one and the other moves also.”

“If you practiced, could you get them to move much more independently?”

“Of course! Musicians do that quite naturally as part of learning to play their instruments so I’d certainly expect I could make a significant change in the conscious control of my own finger movements.”

“Why is that?”

“Because they’re separate muscles that, from birth, have pretty much worked as a team.”

“The same is true of the muscles related to your anus and genitals. You have had little need to separate their activity. They have simply been there. At times you use them for conscious bowel and bladder control, but with regard to your sexual functions, they’ve run on autopilot for your entire life.

What we’re talking about now is exercising some conscious control in their sexual use. Because these muscles have functioned completely automatically for your entire life, acquiring any significant amount of control over them is a discipline that will take some time, considerable practice, and a strong commitment on your part to succeed. If you are still willing to make that commitment, we will approach this undertaking, the same way we eat an elephant.”

“Yes, I know — one bite at a time.” We are both silent for a moment.

Awareness Is at the Core of Everything:

“Jazbell?”

“Yes.”

“You don’t really eat elephants do you?”

“Of course not. The statement is just a metaphor."

“I know that, but I just wanted to be sure.”

“Stoney, how committed are you to this goal?”

“Totally committed!”

“Good. You have begun phase one which is to become aware of how the PC muscles function. Over the next couple of days, I’d like you to repeat what you just did in the bathroom so that you’re clear on what muscles we’re talking about.”

“OK.”

“Now, I’ll show you the most productive way that I’ve found to isolate and exercise the PC muscles. Stand up, please.”

I stand up and follow her guidance.

“Now kneel down on the rug. Keep your feet close together and spread your knees wide apart. Let your legs, from your knees to toes, be against the floor. Sit back now and let your butt rest on top of your heels. While keeping your butt low, lean over and place your hands and forearms against on the floor. Next, place your forehead against the floor and completely relax. Adjust your position until you are as comfortable as you can be. Take a couple of deep breaths and relax.”

“Do I have to face Mecca to do this?”

“Stoney, you really are a smart ass. Come on, get your head on the floor.“ I do as instructed.

“Are you comfortable?” she asks.

“As comfortable as could be expected under the circumstances.”

“Now, squeeze your PC muscles for one second and then intentionally feel them relaxing. Squeeze again for one second and then feel them completely relaxing. Repeat this for about 10 cycles and then just relax there on the floor for a minute or so.” The idea is to start with just a few cycles at first. As the muscles become stronger, increase the number of cycles to about thirty.

You can also quite effectively practice the squeezing exercise while lying on your back. Roll over and we’ll do it that way.”

I laughingly say, “We’ll do it that way?”

“Yes, WE, smart ass; the you-as-student-and-me-as-teacher we. Now roll over.”

I roll over.

“Good!” she says. “Raise your knees and slide your feet toward your butt. Let your legs fall apart and relax. Now do the squeeze and relax cycles.”

Without further comment, I do as instructed.

Jazbell continues, “For the purpose of strengthening your muscles, you can actually do the squeezing exercise in any position at any time.”

“So why the bowing or lying on my back?”

“Because these are two excellent ways to become aware of how these muscles work.”

“So awareness is a major part of this practice?”

“Awareness is the core of all practices you'll learn, not just his one, but, as you say. . . "

I cut her off with, "That's another story for another day."

With a smile and a slight raise of her eyebrows, she continues, "The first intention in what you’re about to start practicing is to become aware of how these muscles function and then to take conscious control of them whenever you so choose.”

Another good time to practice the Kegal exercise is when you’re in the bath tub. Lie back in the tub, place one finger at the opening of your anus and practice squeezing. Notice where and how the muscles respond. Squeeze and hold the muscles tight. Notice what happens. You might find a surprise or two here. After you have practiced this for a while, I’ll take you to the next phase of this process.”

I say, “Is this the elephant again — one bite at a time?”

“That it is.”

Flying Solo:

Jazbell continues, “OK, you’ve now got the physical exercise to do, so here’s the mental/physical practice.”

“Can I get up now?”

“Only if you promise to continue being a smart ass.”

With that, I get up and sit on the couch.

“At home, when you’re alone, sit or lie down quietly, where you can count on being in complete privacy for at least 30 minutes. Imagine/fantasize about an exciting sexual encounter — something from your past, or something you’d like to experience — something that, if you were actually physically experiencing it right now, would please you immensely.

Get excited about it. Physically stimulate your lingam to a level of very slight sexual excitement, and then pause. Stop your physical stimulation and, in your mind only, continue to stimulate yourself. Fantasize yourself experiencing a complete, powerful, fulfilling orgasm. Feel and imagine your orgasm bursting out of the base of your spine and filling your entire body with ecstasy. Hold yourself in that feeling of complete release at least for several seconds. Then feel yourself in the orgasmic afterglow. Let your mind follow your fantasy.

Just go with whatever comes into your mind. Close your eyes and allow your body to completely relax. Go into the feelings as deeply as you can. Stay with your feelings for as long as you like, at least ten to thirty seconds, preferably even longer, if you like.

Now begin physically stimulating yourself again, and start the process all over again. Go completely through the process as I just described it.

As you become sexually aroused, there will be a tendency to strain, to tighten your muscles, to strive to achieve orgasm. This practice will be most successful when you can do the exact opposite of that. As you get excited, relax your body as much as possible. In particular, relax your abdomen, your hips, your lower back and your genitals. As orgasm approaches, push it away by relaxing every part of your body as much as possible.

The first few times you do this exercise, it may seem to be a useless waste of time. You may not feel the subtle changes in your body, but keep going anyway. Practice! Practice! Practice!”

“Practice makes perfect.”

“I’ll bet you learned that phrase when you were a very young boy.”

“That I did.”

“And now that you’re an adult, how about letting go of that childhood fantasy?”

I ask, “Why?”

“Because perfection is an exterior-directed, indefinable, single-pointed, unattainable illusion. Do you know anybody who is perfect at anything?”

“Now that you mention it, no, I don’t.”

“Do you know of any creation, such as a piece of art or music, that is perfect?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Did any of the master teachers who came to this planet such as Jesus, Buddha, or Mohammed, ever claim to be perfect?’’

“Not that I’m aware of.”

Jazbell continues, “An essential aspect of our personal growth and evolution comes out of doing things that bring us undesired results — results we commonly label as mistakes, yes?”

“True.”

“So, it’s appropriate to allow ourselves to be less than perfect, to allow ourselves to make mistakes, to be okay with ourselves when we miss the mark, right?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Then, how about trading in perfection for excellence? Excellence is an inner sense of feeling good about ourselves and about what we have accomplished. What you might consider as excellence at the beginning level of any endeavor usually differs significantly from what you would consider excellence later on.”

“Whew! And all I did was say one little phrase.”

“Stoney, you also granted me permission to be your mentor.”

“That I did.”

“Then part of my job is to wake you up.”

“Wake me up?”

“From your sleep-walking, from you’re illusions, from your false beliefs, from your dysfunctional behavior.”

“Then I withdraw the ‘whew’ and, instead, say ‘thank you’.”

“You are entirely welcome. And on the other side of the coin, if you see me out of line or not ‘walking my talk,’ as they say, please call me on it.”

“Agreed.”

“Then back to the practice. As you continue with your self stimulation cycles, you will soon notice that your cycles are bringing the intensity of sexual excitement to higher and higher levels.

When you get fully into your sexual excitement and particularly when you are approaching orgasm, stop for at least a full minute. Rest, go to the bathroom, drink some water, do whatever you want. Just think about something else. Then start another cycle. Repeat the series of cycles as many times as you like. Do as many cycles in each series as you want. For example, at 9:30 you start and stimulate yourself for three cycles and then stop. At 10:30, do another four stimulation cycles and then stop. At 11:30 do your final series of self stimulation cycles for the day.

As part of the last cycle, allow yourself to experience a full physical orgasm. Release yourself as fully as you can into your orgasm. Give yourself over to the feeling. Fully give yourself over to whatever it is that you‘re fantasizing about. As completely as possible, become your orgasm. Feel it in every cell of your body. Feel it as who you are. Feel it as what you are. You are God made flesh. Become aware of the Divine Ecstasy that you already are.

Once your physical orgasm has subsided, lie still and focus on your experience. Go as deeply as you can into your feelings and into your fantasy. As completely as possible, be in your fantasy as if it were actually physically real. Keep your mind focused on the orgasmic experience for at least a minute and preferably, for three minutes. During this time, continue to feel the orgasmic energy flowing in your body. If you don’t feel it, then pretend you feel it. Stay awake and stay with your experience. You may fall asleep. If you do, that’s okay too. Once you understand and have experienced the basics of this practice, we’ll add a couple of intentional breathing patterns to enhance its effectiveness.”

“You’re encouraging me to masturbate?”