Interpersonal Relationships

Behavior Styles

All though we are all made up with the same basic needs, requirements, and desires, we each have our own unique combination of behavior patterns through which we seek to satisfy those needs, etc. When you understand how you mate approaches life you have a much better chance of accomplishing job number one in any relationship -- the job of creating and maintaining harmony.

Go to any relationship book and you'll read a list of do's and don'ts. They are usually good steps to follow, but there is another aspect that most books overlook, and that is what I refer to as style. How do you and your mate function in the areas listed below? If you are not the same, then you'd best know how to allow for and compensate for each others differences.

In terms of your religious, philosophic, and political beliefs, do you hold similar beliefs?

We all perceive the world via our senses with one sense being dominant. Are you primarily auditory, visual of kinesthetic? How about your partner?

Some of us first see sameness and then note the differences while others first see differences and then acknowledge similarities.

Are you financially compatible?

Have you talked about your sexual needs and desires? Did you plan your first sexual encounter or did it just happen?

Some of us are shy and withdrawn others are dynamic and outspoken.

Are you both responsible and and take charge, or is one or both of you passive and wait for instructions.

When you work together, do you do everything together or do each of you do a separate aspect of the task?

Are you spontaneous or do you plan and plan before taking any action?

Do you measure success by whether or not others will approve or is you motivation internally measured

Where do you stand on money matters? on children? on drug use? in political philosophy?

Would you consider yourself conservative, liberal, or a reasonable?

Do you think for yourself or do you simply believe because someone in an authority positions says it's so? Do you accept or challenge authority?

Do you think critically and make up your own mind about things or do you follow others and simply believe because someone in an authority positions says so.

Are you a day person or a night person?

Do you like crowds or are you a loner? How many friends do you each have. When you get married do you expect you spouse to stop seeing his/her friends?

Are you planning your marriage or are you just letting it happen? In the areas where you find differences, how well do you function together? Have you decided how you will deal with your differences in style? Remember, "If you fail to plan your planning to fail."

For an example of how to overcome differences, see A Coaching Success Story.

the-purpose-of-our-marriage-relationship ...

The Purpose of
Our Marriage Relationship

________ , I openly commit myself to you and to our relationship with the intention of manifesting the following purposes:

Purpose of our relationship is to lift our lives to their highest potential -- to bring out the best in ourselves and in each other -- to relate in the contexts of compassion, understanding, forgiveness, harmony, and love.

Purpose of our relationship is to create, with and for each other, the time, the space, the place, and the opportunity for personal growth and for joyous, free, and open self expression.

The purpose of our relationship is to relate to each other in the context of opportunity rather than obligation -- in the context of allowing rather than tolerance.

The purpose of our relationship is to see beyond every false thought and small idea we have ever had about ourselves, about each other, or about anyone else -- to assist each other in remembering to be grateful for everything we experience -- to assist each other in seeing all difficult times as gifts from God, and as opportunities to remember, to choose, and to be who we really are.

The purpose of our relationship is to know Gods love in physical form -- to know the god you are and the god I am. The purpose of our relationship is to transform our sexual union into a communion with the Universal Essence we call God.

Our relationship is an opportunity for each of us to decide who we'd like to be in relation to the each other while knowing that the only thing that matters for me is how I choose to be in relation to you, and the only thing that matters for you is how you choose to be in relation to me.

The purpose our relationship is to have someone with whom I can share myself exactly as I am in every moment -- to have a place to embody my fondest desires -- to express who I am in every moment.

The purpose of our relationship is to provide each of us with the opportunity to each day see an even grander vision of who and what we really are. The purpose of our relationship is to stand by each other as we step into our vision, regardless of what that vision may be.

The purpose of our relationship is to practice loving you and loving me equally -- to place myself first in every situation while knowing that expressing altruism is the most selfish thing I can do -- while knowing that what I do for me I also do for you and what I do for you I also do for me.

The purpose of our relationship is to see each other as mirrors, role models, and partners on the path of life -- to create the ultimate union with God through the communion of our two souls.

________ , I promise to look for and find the very best in you -- to hold for you, a grand and glorious vision of who you really are -- and to assist you in stepping into and living that vision. s

The above is inspired by the book, Conversations with God by Neal Donald Walsch

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