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Blame
looks
backwards into the past. In a space of
powerlessness, it sits in despair and helplessness
and focus on what is wrong, on what it does not
want. It perceives power to be "out
there" somewhere. It functions out
of
victim
consciousness.
Blame also
looks outward into its environment. It
sees the mirror out there, but does not recognize
that it is looking into a mirror. It
gets angry at the mirror. This changes
nothing.
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As
anybody in touch with reality will tell you, finding
a scapegoat, piling blame onto him/her, and then
getting rid of the scapegoat does not solve the
problem. Because the source, the creator
of the event, remains unchanged, the experience soon
repeats itself. It has a new face and
wears different clothing, but the basic event is
essentially the same as that which occurred in the
past.
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Responsibility
looks
at the present. It also looks forward
into the future. It stands in a power
position. Responsibility acknowledges
that others do, indeed,
co-create with us, but it also understands that there are no victims,
only unconscious creators.
Responsibility
also looks both outward and inward. It sees the
outside world and recognizes that it is actually looking at
a reflection of itself. It sees a manifestation
of internal beliefs, attitudes thoughts, words, and actions.
Responsibility observes the outside event with a minimum of
emotion.
It
then turns its focus toward the cause of these external
experiences and contemplates how to use the "here
and now" re-create it's future self in a form
that experiences even more freedom, joy, and personal
fulfillment. This changes everything.
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"Because
I have the power to create what I’m presently
experiencing, I also have the power to create
something different. Let’s see…
What would I like to be, do, have, or experience?"
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Someone
Else Must Change:
If
your response to the suggestion of letting it go of
your past is:
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"But
I'm really angry. I'm not ready to let
go. I want him/her to change. And
if he/she won't change, I want
revenge."
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then
there are ten factors you
would do well to become aware of. First,
even if he/she did all those bad things -- won't do
what you want done -- and refuses to change or
cooperate, your life can still be filled with love
and joy. Second, you can't
change anybody but yourself. Third,
the past is what it is. You can't change
it. Fourth, revenge
is about as profitable as shooting yourself in the
foot. It simply keeps the negative cycle
going.
Fifth,
there
are no victims,
there are no enemies, only unconscious
creators. Nobody did anything to
you. They did it with
you. Sixth, your
emotional response is self-created. Your
anger is in you and not out there in the
world. Seventh,
staying angry is completely your choice.
Eighth, dwelling on what brings
you pain tells the universe to bring you more of the
same. As
long
as you continue to bitch, moan and complain
you
are telling "The Universe" to bring you
more to bitch moan and complain about.
Ninth,
in the long-run, none of this really
matters. Ten years from now you'll have
completely forgotten about this incident, so why not
just forget it now and spare yourself from a lot of
pain and misery. And tenth,
after you've spent whatever time you feel is
required for to feel and be with your feelings, you
can simply drop the anger and move on. Here
are some alternative things you might choose to
focus on:
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How
is what I am presently experiencing a blessing in
disguise? What have I learned from this
experience? How will I be different in
the future?
Now
that I clearly know what I don't want, what is it
that I do want? How will I think, believe,
and act from now on so that I am continually in the
process of creating what I do want?
I'll
make a list of all the things I can be grateful for,
and then I'll focus on being grateful for all the
wonderful things that I am, I have, I do, and
that I am experiencing.
How
would a divine master such as Jesus or Buddha
respond if he were in my situation?
What’s
the wisest, most-intelligent, healthiest,
most-profitable, most-freedom-creating, and
most-joy-producing decision I can make right now?
To
whom can I reach out right now and say,
"I love you! Thank you for being in
my life."?
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